1. Prepare
Think of safety first and don’t put yourself or your friend at risk.
- Think about safe ways to meet or contact them when they’re alone
- Know what help is available locally – try searching your local council website for ‘domestic abuse’
- Have the numbers for the relevant national helplines to hand
- Be led by what they think is safe
2. Ask
Start conversations gently, conveying your concern.
- “You haven’t been in touch much lately. Is everything OK?”
- “I’ve noticed you seem a bit down. Has anyone upset you?”
- “I’m worried about how you’re doing. Should I be?”
3. Listen
A common concern is feeling like you don’t know enough about domestic abuse to respond well. But simply listening can help someone to break the silence around their situation.
- “Go on…”
- “How do you feel about that?”
- “Thank you for telling me.”
4. Reassure
If someone tells you they are being abused, the important thing to convey is that you believe the person. And to let them know what’s happening to them is wrong.
- “I believe you.”
- “It’s not your fault.”
- “Thank you for telling me.”
5. Offer help
Make suggestions, not demands. It’s important not to pressure the person who is experiencing abuse. They need to make their own decisions in their own time.
- Offer to ring a helpline to find out about support.
- Offer to make a plan together on how to stay safe – take a look at our safety planning guide
You could offer a place to stay if needed, or keep an emergency bag. Remember leaving an abusive partner can be dangerous. It should be done with the support of a specialist domestic abuse service.
