Get help and support

If you’re not in immediate danger

Remember, you know your own situation best so only take on advice that feels safe and relevant to you. It’s important to think about things that may change or make you more unsafe. And to think about how you might get help if you need it in an emergency situation.

You may have a professional such as an Idva, Idaa or social worker that can help or another person you trust. You can also access help and support from the helplines below.

Safety planning

Do you have a personalised safety plan – and if so, is it up to date?

If you need to make updates to your safety plan, could an Idva/Idaa or specialist domestic abuse worker help you do this? Or are there other professionals you trust and can talk to?

Remember, it is ok to tell your specialist worker that the person harming you is living in the property, they won’t judge you and can better help you to think about your safety.

Speak to your employer

Your employer has a duty of care towards you. Can you talk to your manager or HR department about what is happening and how it is impacting you?

Other steps you can take

• Think about places of safety
  Have you talked to your Idva/Idaa through the layout of your house so you can think about any places of safety?
  If you had to leave in an emergency do you know where you would go?
• Have a bag packed and ready
  If you can, leave this at a trusted friend/family/neighbour’s home. This should contain medical essentials, important documents including passports/driving license. Maybe the service you are in touch with could keep copies of these documents. Have a little bit of money hidden away in case you need this to leave.
• Agree a codeword/sign to signal you’re in danger
  Set this up for family and friends to let them know by text/voice note/video call. The code will need to alert them to contact the police if you are in danger. Teach the code to children who are old enough to understand what you are asking of them and why.
• Use a separate mobile
  Do you need a separate mobile which you can use just to call for help? The service you are in touch with may be able to supply this.
• Find the best times for contact
  If there are times you know you can talk, share this with your specialist worker and agree how you will reach each other.

Support from family, friends and neighbours

Family, friends and neighbours can be another way to get the support you need.

• Can you FaceTime or call someone you trust? Can you talk to them about what you’re experiencing and your concerns?
• Do you have a code word/phrase to let someone know that it isn’t safe to talk or to ask them to phone the police?
• Could you set up a check in call with someone you trust so that you know they’ll contact you at specific times of the week?

Self-care

As well as getting support from others, think about how you can look after yourself. As much as possible, stick to usual routines. Maintaining basic self-care like eating, showering, sleeping and exercising can all help your mental health. And take whatever breaks you can — take a walk outside, read a magazine, get the kids involved in an online exercise class.

Think about when abuse happens

For example, is it worse when the kids are around or not? This might help you think about times when things might be calmer.

Also consider:

• What are your main concerns and worries?
  These are the things you need to share with your specialist domestic abuse worker, trusted professional and, if you need to ring 999 for help, the police.
• Is the person who is harming you out of work or working from home?
  Will this affect your family income and if so, how could this affect things?
• Does the person harming you use drugs and/or alcohol?
  Has their use changed, and if so what could this mean?
• Do you think there is software on your IT? Any listening devices or cameras in your home?
  How will this change the way you might get help?
• Do you know what your options are if you want to leave? Or if you want to stay and want the person harming you to leave?
  Your Idva/Idaa or specialist domestic abuse worker can help you think this through

Support for parents and children

The person harming you may use child contact to further control and abuse you. If you have court orders in place which aren’t being followed please contact your solicitor or the police to enforce them.

You may also find these free resources for children on the Monkey Bob website helpful.