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A new joint report by Ofsted, the CQC, HMICFRS and HMIP warns that children affected by domestic abuse are still too often overlooked and not consistently recognised as victims, despite the law being clear that they should be.
As a child I felt like I was often overlooked and was never really acknowledged as a victim of domestic abuse. Rather than helping me process what happened to me I was told by services to write down my thoughts and feelings and draw a picture of what a “happy family” should look like. Being the oldest child, I felt like I had to hold it together for everyone around me, whether that was at school or at home, whilst being internally conflicted as I didn’t know what I was experiencing was classed as abuse. I think it’s important that domestic abuse services tailor their approaches to each specific child providing them with clarity and a safe space to process their experience.
– SafeLives Changemaker
This new report lays bare what SafeLives has been saying for years, and why specialist support for children is so vital: domestic abuse does not just cast a shadow over childhood. It strikes at the very heart of it. Children harmed by abuse must be seen, heard, and supported. As we begin training Children’s Domestic Abuse Advocates (CHIDVAs) this week, it is clear that we cannot end domestic abuse without a whole family approach.
Domestic abuse affects every individual in a family differently. Safety and recovery depend on whether each person gets the right support, at the right time, for them. When systems respond in silos, children are too often overlooked, despite the harm they experience being profound and long-lasting.
Babies, children and young people are not witnesses to domestic abuse, they are victims in their own right, with urgent and complex needs that demand tailored responses. Our research shows that by the time children start primary school, at least one child in every classroom will have lived with domestic abuse since they were born. Many have known nothing else. Yet nearly 40% of children living in households with domestic abuse are not known to children’s services.
The consequences of failing to recognise and respond to children’s experiences are devastating. Previous SafeLives research found that over half of children exposed to domestic abuse struggle with sleep, and almost a third believe the abuse was their fault. These same children face higher rates of behavioural difficulties and risky behaviour, increasing their vulnerability to further harm as they grow up.
Our latest MARAC and Insights data shows the scale and urgency of the need. Over 140,000 children are living in the households of cases being discussed at MARACs – the meetings that discuss victims at the highest risk of serious harm or murder because of domestic abuse. Alarmingly, even when a parent is receiving IDVA support and their case is discussed at MARAC, more than a quarter of the children in those households are not known to children’s social care. And a staggering 87% of children were being directly harmed by the perpetrator in the home at the point they were referred into specialist children and young people’s domestic abuse services.
That is why specialist support for children is so vital. This week, SafeLives begins training Children’s Domestic Abuse Advocates (CHIDVAs) to give frontline professionals the skills needed to support child victims and survivors. CHIDVAs play a critical role in supporting children through complex systems, helping them navigate their route to safety and ensuring their experiences are properly understood and reflected in decisions that shape their lives. They also support children and young people to recognise harm, reduce the risk of future victimisation, and prevent abusive behaviours from taking hold in their own relationships. Without dedicated advocates, children are left to fall through gaps that were never designed with their needs in mind.
We also know that children’s needs are not the same in every family or community. Through our Children Affected by Domestic Abuse (CADA) programme in Bolton and Sheffield, SafeLives has worked with specialist services supporting children and families from minoritised communities, co-creating responses that reflect their lived realities and the barriers they face. This work shows the importance of culturally competent, trauma-informed support that recognises the intersecting experiences of abuse, racism, immigration status, disability and poverty. Tailored interventions like CADA demonstrate what is possible when services are designed with, not just for, the children and families they seek to support.
The report also highlights how too often responsibility for protecting children is placed on non-abusing parents, most often mothers, rather than on those causing harm. Expecting survivors to manage risk created by perpetrators, not only fuels victim-blaming, but also means the danger to children is not properly recognised. We saw this pattern repeatedly in our work with children’s social care as part of our Whole Picture culture change programme.
Children’s social care has a pivotal role to play. Our work with social care commissioners shows that when services are designed around the whole picture of a family’s life, outcomes improve. SafeLives’ Whole Picture approach brings together evidence, practice and lived expertise to help local systems move beyond fragmented responses. It supports professionals to identify risk earlier, share information effectively, and respond to domestic abuse alongside other pressures such as mental health, substance use or poverty.
And we know children cannot be safe, and adult survivors cannot recover, if perpetrators are left unchallenged. The report echoes what we see across systems: that understanding of coercive and controlling behaviour, and of the risk posed by perpetrators, is inconsistent. Our specialist programme ‘Engage’ equips professionals to safely and confidently work with perpetrators in ways that prioritise safeguarding and ensure children are appropriately supported, while increasing accountability and responsibility for abuse. This approach helps professionals understand the long-term impact of domestic abuse on children and challenge patterns of harm that can repeat across generations. When perpetrators are engaged safely and effectively, the benefits are felt across the whole family.
The report makes clear that training matters. Where professionals understand domestic abuse, coercive control and the impact on children, responses are stronger and safer. Too often, limited training, low attendance or weak evaluation undermine its impact, leading to missed opportunities to identify risk and intervene early. Building a confident, skilled workforce across police, social care, health and probation is essential to delivering a truly whole picture response.
For commissioners, this means investing in approaches that recognise domestic abuse as a core safeguarding issue, not an add-on. It means embedding specialist roles like CHIDVAs, commissioning interventions that work with perpetrators, and ensuring culturally competent, trauma-informed services are available to every family who needs them. The evidence is clear. When services come together around the whole family, children are safer, families recover sooner, and harm is reduced.
We’re pleased that this report draws on the voices of adult survivors and parents to highlight where systems are falling short for families. Thank you to the survivors who shared their experiences as part of this work. It is also vital that children and young people are heard directly. Through our Changemakers, we see the power of listening to young people and working alongside them to shape safer, more effective systems. Their insight must inform every part of the response designed to protect them.
Every baby, child and young person affected by domestic abuse deserves safety, support and the chance to recover, wherever they live and whatever their circumstances.
Together, we can end domestic abuse for the whole family.
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